The Deceiver and Other Detective Patrick Cases
by LeonPianta
Summary: With my job never quite being at rest, I, Detective Patrick, must help solve the crimes of Bikini Bottom. But, will you help?
1. The Deceiver

Note: I don't own these characters.

The Deceiver and Other Detective Patrick Cases

The Deceiver

----------

It is I, Detective Patrick. The other day, I had a new case show up. I was busy doing some important cartoon-watching when I got a call.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Hi. Detective Patrick, we have a problem at the Krusty Krab," a guy said.

"I'll be right over," I responded. "Wait. May I ask how I'll know you called me?"

"I'll be the blue fish in the orange shirt in front of the Krusty Krab," he said. "Please come quick!"

"I'm coming. Good-bye," I said, and hung up. I stepped out of my rock, into my new boat mobile- I had just gotten my license. I drove to the Krusty Krab, and it was surprisingly quiet there. Sort of. I saw the worried blue fish in front, so I drove by him.

"So, what's the problem?" I asked him.

"It's the Krusty Krew. They are arguing about where the Secret Formula is. It's really problematic," he said.

"I will check it out," I said, ultra-bravely. I parked two spaces to the left of the front door, and walked into the Krusty Krab.

As I entered, I could hear Mr. Krabs, Spongebob, and Squidward bickering about the formula.

"Excuse me," I said, politely, but they kept arguing. So I repeated, "Excuse me." But they still yelled on. "EXCUSE ME!" I shouted. They immediately stopped.

"Detective Patrick?" Squidward said.

"Yes. What is the problem here?" I asked.

"The formuler, that's what the problem is!" Mr. Krabs shouted angrily.

"Mr. Krabs, could you please tell me what happened?" I asked.

"Okay. We were just workin' in the Krusty Krab, and I saw Plankton approach. I had the recipe in me hands, and I ran over and gave it to Spongebob! He ran into the kitchen, and came out. We warded off Plankton, and I thought I saw the formuler in Spongebob's back pocket. I asked him where he hid it, and he said he didn't remember. Then, uh, I made Squidward get over here and told him to ask Spongebob where it was, and Squidward refused. I started yellin' at him, and Spongebob joined in and here we are," Mr. Krabs said.

"Huh, interesting," I replied. "How about you, Spongebob?"

"The story is actually kind of different. Mr. Krabs never gave me the recipe, and he ran into the boss's room. He came back out and warded off Plankton, and he didn't have it in his hands. I was sure I saw a bulge in his back pocket, though. I asked where he hid it, and he started yelling at me, and Squidward backed me up and then we were all arguing!" Spongebob said.

"Really. Okay, how about you Squidward?" I questioned, as he was apparently part of this dilemma.

"I saw Plankton coming, and Mr. Krabs had the formula. I was irritated, so I put my magazine in front of my face and read it. I heard some running and a door opening and closing. Then, another door opening/closing. Then later, I heard Mr. Krabs kicking Plankton out. I don't know what happened next. Then they were yelling and I started yelling at them for yelling, and they yelled, blah blah blah…"

"Very interesting. I have a few questions. Mr. Krabs, how long was Spongebob in the kitchen?" I said.

"Just about 10 seconds. He raced right out," Mr. Krabs said.

"Mmhmm. Spongebob, how long was Mr. Krabs in his office?" I asked, thinking through my data.

"He was in there for about… 30 seconds. I'm sure," Spongebob said, seemingly sure.

"And Squidward, what do you think of Mr. Krabs and Spongebob?" I said, still thinking hard.

"Mr. Krabs is a cheap, selfish boss that doesn't pay me enough. Spongebob annoys me a lot, and I just try to ignore him," Squidward said, very monotonously.

"Great! I know who is to blame for this occurrence!" I said, enthusiastically.

WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MISSING KRABBY PATTY SECRET FORMULA? MR. KRABS, FOR HIS SLIGHTLY ODD DATA? SPONGEBOB, FOR HIS ATTEMPT AT GETTING SUSPICION OFF OF HIM? OR SQUIDWARD, FOR NOT PROVIDING ENOUGH INFORMATION?

----------

Author's Note: So, who do you think is responsible? Please review your answer, and possibly even why! I will answer the mystery in the chapter following it, okay? Please enjoy this and future chapters!


	2. Who in Bikini Bottom

Note: I don't own these characters.

The Deceiver and Other Detective Patrick Cases

The Deceiver: Revealed and Who in Bikini Bottom?

----------

WHO IS THE DECEIVER? The Deceiver obviously had lies in there data, and so we'll use a little trial-and-error here.

Squidward said that he heard a door open and close, and soon after, open and close again. Mr. Krabs said Spongebob was in the kitchen for only 10 seconds, and Spongebob said Mr. Krabs was in the boss's room for 30. But if Squidward is lying, than Mr. Krabs would be the deceiver, and Squidward just wasn't paying attention. He said he wasn't though, so it would be hard for Mr. Krabs to be the deceiver. Squidward could have lied and told the truth, though.

In Spongebob's story, he said Mr. Krabs yelled at him and Squidward backed him up, but Squidward said that he hated Spongebob. But if Squidward is lying, he would be the deceiver. But Squidward never said that he backed up Spongebob, so if he's right, Spongebob is the deceiver.

So, if Squidward was lying the whole time, he and Mr. Krabs would be the deceivers. But, since Mr. Krabs and Squidward were arguing at each other, not just Spongebob, than Squidward must be telling the truth. He did say he hated Mr. Krabs, too. So Spongebob, the only other suspect, is the deceiver. The formula was found hidden under the stove, and an empty bottle was in his back pocket.

----------

INTERMISSION: Detective Patrick walked slowly by the stores around the Krusty Krab: Kelp Shake (a sanitized one), Chum Bucket, Clarinet Emporium, Bonkers, McDonalds, and many other random places selling who-knows-what. The sun slowly went down below the ocean horizon as Detective Patrick sighed about the case, walking to his neighborhood.

----------

Day # Year XXX

They day after the Krusty Krab problem, I woke up to a scream. Squidward's scream. I raced out of my rock, and saw him running around outside his house. He was screaming, "Clary! Clary! CLARY!" I ran over to him, grabbed his shoulders, and calmed him down.

"Squidward! What's wrong?" I asked, my heart refusing to slow down although Squidward was calmer.

"I woke up this morning and Clary was gone! She wasn't where I put her! I laid her on my bedside table and went to bed, and she wasn't there when I woke up!" Squidward said, tensely.

"Wait. Who's Clary?" I said, confused.

"Clary is my one and only special clarinet! I've had her since I moved to Bikini Bottom and now she's gone! Please find where she is!" Squidward said, and sat down on the ground.

"Squidward, you look a little bit… bigger. Why?" I asked him.

"Since Clary went missing, I, uh, ate a lot," Squidward said. I frowned, and went inside his Easter Island head home.

After an examination of his house, I discovered that Squidward's clarinet truly was gone. Someone must have taken it! I looked around for evidence, and saw something- a note! It said, 'Squidward- I took your super precious clarinet. I am unhappy with you for your talent, and I've always wanted a clarinet. But, yours was the only one for me. You will find me wherever you go.' That instant, I added one unexpected suspect to my list. I knew Squidward was once a handsome man, and thought about the people that would follow him even after he was handsome. I could only think of Jill, Maria, and Laurie. Maria lived far away. Jill lived in a building near the Krusty Krab, and hated Squidward's clarinet playing, though she still liked looking at him and his things up close and personal. Laurie just moved into a house about a mile from Squidward's, and she liked to jog by his house and sometimes stay back there and listen to him play. She usually was disappointed by it.

WHO DID DETECTIVE PATRICK ADD TO HIS SUSPECT LIST?

----------

Author's Note: Wow, I bet you didn't see Spongebob's guiltiness coming! Yet, he did do it. Based on the letter, Squidward's words, and the girl info, who do you think Detective Patrick made a suspect? PS- You might need some background info on the characters to find the answer!


End file.
